What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
