I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
