Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
