I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
