I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
