When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
