You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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