After last night, I could never be a politician.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
