so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
