Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
