Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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