Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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