Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
