**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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