Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
