Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
