It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
