hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
