What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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