Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
