Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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