I wannas sexs uuuuu
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize