Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
is that a dick in a sweater?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
