And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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