guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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