I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
