So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
