is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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