Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
