He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
