Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
