So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
