just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I love you.
Bad choice
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
