my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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