If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
