You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
