fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
