you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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