Jerry, you need to find god
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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