hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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