I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
