My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
