oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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