the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize