Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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