I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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