I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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