I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
