the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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