I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
