There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
