I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
