You really coming over, don't trick.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
