Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
