I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
third nipple confirmed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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