you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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