So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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