Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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