We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
