I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
