I cockslap morals
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
