just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
