I have demons in me.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
