i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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