we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize