id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
