His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
